A Matter of Death and Life

A Matter of Death and Life
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'Wise, beautiful, heartbreaking, raw' The Times

'A beacon of hope to all of us who will be bereaved' Kathryn Mannix

'An unforgettable and achingly beautiful story of enduring love' Lori Gottleib

Internationally renowned psychiatrist and author Irvin Yalom has devoted his career to counselling those suffering from anxiety and grief. But never had he faced the need to counsel himself until his wife, esteemed feminist author Marilyn Yalom, was diagnosed with cancer. In A MATTER OF DEATH AND LIFE, Marilyn and Irvin share how they took on profound new struggles: Marilyn to die a good death, Irvin to live on without her.

In alternating accounts of their last months together and Irvin's first months alone, they offer us a rare window into coping with death and the loss of one's beloved. The Yaloms had rare blessings - a loving family, a beautiful home, a large circle of friends, avid readers around the world, and a long, fulfilling marriage - but they faced death as we all do. With the candour and wisdom of those who have thought deeply and loved well, they investigate universal questions of intimacy, love, and grief.

Informed by two lifetimes of experience, A MATTER OF DEATH AND LIFE offers poignant insights and solace to all those seeking to fight despair in the face of death, so that they can live meaningfully.


Dr Irvin Yalom is an emeritus professor of psychiatry at Stanford University and the author of many books, including Creatures of a Day and the bestselling Love’s Executioner. He and his wife, the author Marilyn Yalom, live in Palo Alto, California.

Marilyn Yalom is a senior scholar at the Clayman Institute for Gender Research at Stanford University, and the author of A History...

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  • Dorian
    03-14
    很是羡慕他们二人的爱情,这本书最宝贵的是让我看到了作者凡人的一面,曾经读亚隆,把他当做荣格理论中那个智慧的老人,但亚隆作为心理学大师也会想要和爱人分享,也会想念,也会脆弱,也会痛苦。在面临巨大的丧失后,还能够继续生活。焦虑与恐惧是真的真的没办法的,总要经历的。他没有背叛来访者与读者,这本书依旧有着安慰的力量。
  • 青山神妖
    02-15
    这本书断断续续读了好几个月,集中读完是在近期经历了亲人去世、我无法回去、又独自过新年、基金写不出来、工作前途渺茫、得了一场重感冒的时候。但这并不是能够给人抚慰的书。我觉得亚隆和妻子的生活不具有可复制性。虽然经历了妻子的去世,他依然是舒适的幸福的被家人环绕的人。这本书再一次向我展示了亚隆的自恋,他毫不避讳地坦诚自己在并不适合时依然坚持会见来访,因为与来访见面、感到自己被需要,极大地抚慰了他自己。此外,对自己以前作品的大段复述和引用,在他的其他作品里也反复出现,是否也反映了他的自恋呢。还有对玛丽莲,他几乎有点病态的依恋和依赖,以及最后玛丽莲像抱儿子一样环抱着他,不得不让我觉得这场完美婚姻背后也许充满了从未被直面的冲突和嫉恨。最后,玛丽莲真的很伟大,她对家庭和事业的付出想必远超亚隆所写所感。
  • clara
    12-23
    Grief给活着的人提出了两个问题:一、如何面对一个没有亡者的世界;二、如何看待自己的死亡,亚隆都回答了,言辞真挚,感人至深。
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  • 海狸好牙
    2023-05-25
    亚隆曾在书中描述过,一些病人精神科出身的亚隆,在书中通常称来访者为“病人”)会对他房间中的装饰评头品足,对花园里的植物指指点点,抱怨坏了的纱门怎么老不修,调侃他为什么不换空了的纸巾盒。对于一般人来说,这都是看似与治疗无关的细节,但亚隆却能从中看到“每个人不同的内部世界,同样的刺激对不同的人有不同的意义”
  • 海狸好牙
    2023-05-25
    我知道,在这么漫长的时间里一直深爱某人,是非常少见的事儿。然而,即便到了今天,她一走进房间,我的心就会被点亮。我爱慕她的一切一一她如此高雅、美丽、善良和睿智。虽然学术背景各异,但我们对文学和戏剧有着共同的热爱。自然科学领域之外,她博学多闻,每当我在人文领域有任何疑问,她总能给予我启迪。我们的关系也并不总是和谐的,我们也有过分歧、争吵,有过轻率之举,但我们彼此总是坦诚相待,永远,永远把我们的关系放在第一位。
  • 海狸好牙
    2023-05-25
    昆德拉说得太精准了:“遗忘本身便是一种不断在生命中上演的死亡形式。"想起那些我记忆中已经消散的过去,哀伤便阵阵袭来。我的爸爸、妈妈和姐姐,还有那么多朋友和病人,他们去世了,我是他们唯一的记忆持有者,他们现在只作为闪烁的脉冲,存在于我的神经系统中。只有我,让他们活着。
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